Today marks 3 years since the passing of my sister Ruth-I wanted to share my testimony of how great our Lord is even in tragedy.

Today marks 3 years since my sister passed away. So many of you have always been so kind to ask how we are doing? So many times in order to keep from remembering too much of it we have simply said “We are doing just fine”. Well today I finally mustered up the courage to tell you my testimony through all of this.

            On this day 3 years ago, I was met at the door by my mother in law and sister in law. You see nobody could get a hold of me ,so they drove over to tell me the sad news. Barry and I immediately left and went over to my parents house which was by far the worst day of my life. My emotions as that point were mostly anger, so therefore I cried for everyone else. I cried for my family. I remember feeling that I needed to be strong for them, so at that point my crying in public was limited. I will tell you that if you told me that would happen the day before I would have told you that I would have sat in a corner and cried for months. Amazingly I did not! A strength that I know only comes from the Lord came over me. I had a peace that even though my world was crashing in around me-He was holding me so very very tight. Many of you know my mother, who is very strong, but I believe God made her such a way for times like these. She mourned, but stayed so strong and kept going even though her heart was broken. My Dad was devastated, yet still got up and preached His Word and never once questioned God and never ever stopped witnessing to others. I admire them both so much, where as many others would be angry with God they never ever did. My sister Rachel had a hard time at first, but I see her strength in the Lord has not only carried her through all of this, but made both her and I stronger-so much stronger in the Lord. Then we finally saw Joe and their 3 boys. I remember holding little Jonah in my arms who was only 6 days old when she passed away. I remember taking him into a room and holding him and crying. Looking into his eyes was like looking into Ruth’s eyes. I felt so very helpless. I felt so very sad that their mother was gone.  I remember the day after I was in the shower, and Barry had already taken the kids to church. I remember screaming out loud to Satan-saying “You may think this is going to destroy us, our family and our ministry, but I will not allow it. I told him that I would be more vocal and make my stand stronger. I told him that no matter what this crazy life holds-Christ won the victory on Calvary, and I would never ever let him destroy my desire to be in the ministry.” At her memorial I chose not to say anything about her, you see I was so very angry with her. Then I saw Joe get up and say nothing but sweet about her, and even afterwards that is all he said was nothing but sweet. I learned how to forgive her by watching him. He only spoke well of her. You see my sister was dealing with depression. I myself knew nothing about how severe depression can get until all this occurred. I believe all of us go through different forms of depression in our lives. Most of us are able to bounce back easily, while others slip into a more serious state. Unfortunately for Ruth, severe insomnia, depression, the doctors giving her anti depression drugs that were not working but making it worse, and having post partum from just having a baby. This all made for a very very bad combination. Being so very far away from her, I had no idea how bad she really was until it was too late.

            It is amazing to see so many things that God already had prepared when she passed away. Dr. David Gibbs Jr. was already scheduled to speak at our church the day after she passed. Their support and love for our family was absolutely amazing. Joe and the boys lived in South Carolina. This was so very hard for us as we felt helpless in helping him with the boys. As the Lord would have it-Joe’s mom, dad and sister were already living up there, and they immediately stepped in to help Joe out with the boys. What an awesome God we have-just amazing.

            In those beginning days I remember Barry just holding me, and letting me fall asleep while sitting on the couch with him. I remember just the simple hugs he would give me to assure me he was always there for me. His love for me during such tragedy just made us draw even closer than we already were. What an amazing husband God gave me, and I love him more than words could ever possibly say.

            A little over a year after my sister’s passing Joe married a wonderful woman named Stefany. We had the privilege to meet her shortly after they were married. When we first saw-she looked very much like my sister. She has such a sweet personality. She loves the Lord with all her heart. She loves the boys and Joe very much. Stefany has been so wonderful to treat us as if we had always been part of her family. What a blessing!

           

            I am an extremely strong woman. I believe God can get you through anything. I wanted to be so very strong for my family who I knew was hurting, but deep in my heart I was not mourning my sister Ruth. For two years I just kept going strong. Then a year ago it hit me that I really was never going to see her again. I realized that we wouldn’t have family Christmases together, I realized we would never ever ever be able to just sit around the three of us and watch all of the kids play together. When it hit me it hit me hard. I remember just crying at the drop of a hat when I was by myself. I stopped being so mad at her, and then started to realize that she would have never done what she did had she been of a clear state of mind. It was then that all these emotions came pouring out. It truly was a good thing for me to go through this ,as it has helped even more in the healing process. I then started realizing that so many people were not only asking us how we were doing to be there for us, but they also wanted answers for themselves. So many people had known my parents and us through this ministry. So many people were wondering how such a thing could happen to someone like my Dad who was so faithful to the Lord’s work. It was then that I tried to be more sensitive to people constantly asking how we were doing. My answer to that is God is so good. He never gives us anything we cannot handle. When we think He has abandoned us-it is then that He is holding us tightly. Sin was brought into this world by Satan himself-and through sin came death. In the Bible it says in John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish but have ever lasting life.” You see Jesus death gave all of us who believe eternal life. That is every one even those who take their life. You see nothing can separate us from the love of God as it says in Romans 8:38-39  ³⁸For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,  ³⁹Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. To say a person who commits suicide is going to hell is like saying those people who have mental handicaps are going to hell as well. Once you are saved, you are always saved-no matter what. He forgives us of all our sins. I know my sister knew Jesus Christ as her Saviour. She loved Jesus with all her heart, as it showed in her journals. Although what happened was not good at all-Jesus forgave her of even that sin.

I want to leave you all with some advice. First of all if any of you know of someone dealing with severe depression never ever take it lightly. Be there for them and learn more about symptoms of severe depression. Second if you know of someone who has lost of loved one-be there for them ALWAYS-even if it is uncomfortable for you. In closing let me say that I hold dear to the verse in Romans 8:28 ²⁸And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Even in something like this-good has come from it. Barry and I have had many opportunities in helping people deal with depression and tragedy. Barry has had many opportunities in helping teens who deal with depression. So many things have been brought to light in all of this, and one of the biggest blessings in my life is my 3 amazing nephews that will always be a reminder of my sister. My sister Rachel and I had one of our best Christmases since Ruth’s passing. We were sitting around the table laughing at all the funny things she used to do, and although we miss her dearly-our separation is only temporary. For those of you who have not trusted Jesus Christ is their personal Saviour, I pray you do not wait another second.  You are not guaranteed tomorrow. Trust Him today-and have the peace that only He can give in knowing you will be in heaven forever someday. Thank you so much to so many of you who loved and cared for my family throughout these past 3 years. My heart was so touched by the love and compassion.